There is a bridge on the Virginia Tech campus. Actually there are a lot of bridges on campus. But one of them is a little concrete footbridge, tucked in between several dorms, spanning a driveway that leads to a couple parking lots. Nothing very significant, really. But it found significance for me my freshman year. It has haunted me ever since. (No, before you start freaking out, I never tried jumping off it or anything. Nothing drastic. Just hear me out.)

Last night, I was coming home from a friend’s house, where a bunch of us had watched a movie. I parked my car in “the cage,” the student parking lot on the far western end of campus, and started walking back to my dorm, on the eastern end of campus. I was crossing through another small parking lot near this bridge, and deep down I felt it calling to me. Like it has several times over the past year, when I’m walking across campus, alone, after dark, and I find myself nearby. Something draws me back, calling me to stand on that bridge again. To remember.

Freshman year I spent a lot of time walking around campus. Not just walking between classes and such; I spent many evenings, after dark, wandering around. There was a guy I discipled in 12th grade, who got to be a very good friend, whose family happened to come back to Virginia for a year the same time I graduated and came to Tech. We met up a few times that year, for a weekend or so, but because we had gotten so used to meeting every week for hours at a time, (not to mention all the time we spent together outside of those times) we decided to call each other every week to talk. Reception in my room was terrible, so every Saturday night, I would go outside, bundled up if it was winter, and call him. And while we talked, I would wander. Our calls consistently lasted a couple hours at a time. We would talk about how things were going, or just talk about whatever. Those phone calls may well have been the only thing that got me through that year.

Other times, when I was just feeling overwhelmed, homesick, depressed, I would drop what I was doing and go outside, bundled up if necessary, and wander around, just to get some fresh air, clear my mind, think, pray, vent, whatever.

I don’t remember when I first stumbled upon this bridge, and I don’t really know what about it drew me, but I soon found myself frequenting it, both during those phone calls and during my lone wanderings. Sometimes I would cross it and wander on elsewhere, maybe ending up at the duck pond or who knows where. Other times I would stop and just stand on it while I talked on the phone, or was lost in my own thoughts. I vividly remember standing on that bridge one night, all bundled up, watching the first snow of the winter float to the ground, caught in the light of the lamps lining the bridge, and the lights of the surrounding buildings. I remember another time, watching a raccoon dig through a garbage can next to the driveway below me.

And so this bridge has come to represent all those nights. That year, with all its emotions, is encapsulated in it. And now that I’ve found my place here, found a family here, there it stands, in stark contrast to where I am now, reminding me of where I was not all that long ago, and how far I’ve come. How far God has brought me. So you could say that just as it is a symbol of the valley I walked through, it has become a monument to God’s faithfulness through that valley. And a reminder that whatever valleys come my way in the future, his faithfulness will prevail through all of them.

The sermon today was about Joseph. The Old Testament, coat-of-many-colors Joseph. It is the second part of a series my church, [nlcf], is doing on Covenant and Kingdom. Jim talked about how God’s covenant that he established with Abram (last week’s sermon) applied to Joseph as Abraham’s descendant. As part of that covenant, God promised to walk with Abraham and his descendants through whatever came their way. And so when Joseph was sold into slavery, and then was wrongly accused and imprisoned—through thirteen years of slavery and imprisonment—God never left Joseph’s side. And while he did not orchestrate those circumstances, he used them to transform Joseph, from an arrogant, spoiled teenager to a man of God, who finally realized that he was not at the center of his own universe—God was.

What’s interesting is that I actually started this post last night, when I got back to my room after standing on that bridge for a while. I drafted the first few paragraphs before calling it a night. And now I’ve picked it up again, having just listened to that sermon.

Back in the spring, if you remember, God was talking to me a lot about surrender, abiding in Christ, and such. Now, this seems to be his focus.

It might be because, for all my good intentions in the spring, my discipline in abiding in him has been…lacking. It might be because things have been surfacing in my life that I realize still need a lot of work. It might be because of how great it felt to come back to Tech a week ago, after a summer away…and be excited about it. How awesome it was to walk into Squires for church last Sunday and see all the faces of my brothers and sisters here that I missed, to hear them saying how glad they were to have me back. And to respond, and really mean it, that it was good to be back. Most likely, it’s all those reasons combined. But whatever the reason, it seems that now he has me thinking a lot about this—the truth that he has stuck with me through thick and thin, and he will continue to. And whether it seems like it or not, he is continuing his transformative work in me. Just as Paul said: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Philippians 1:6)

By the blood of Christ, we are participants in the covenant God offered to Abram all those years ago. He offers it to us. His terms of the convenant are this: no matter what we’ve done or will do, no matter what we go through, he will not walk away from us. He will walk us through it, and continue to transform us by it, until that day when we breath our last on this earth or the day Jesus comes back, and his work in us is complete. Once we accept the covenant and enter into it, whether or not we hold up our end of it fully—namely, to give him our love and worship, our lives, our everything—he will uphold his.

A parting thought. Yesterday evening, before I left for my friend’s house, I was listening to music, and a song came on—namely “Mountain of God” by Third Day. I first discovered Third Day—now one of my, if not my favorite, bands—in the summer of ’09. Fittingly, I discovered this song during our two-week family vacation that summer, among some of the tallest mountains on the face of the earth. It quickly became one of my favorites.

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But you were there with me
Yes, you were there with me…
Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
You’re the one who’s gone before me
You will help me carry on
And after all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

This song, and the album as a whole—Wherever You Are—became a rally for me freshman year. Those songs kept me going. I still remember one night, listening to “Mountain of God,” when the bridge (no pun intended) hit me like a wall:

Sometimes I think of where it is I’ve come from
And the things I’ve left behind
But of all I’ve had and what I’ve possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what’s in front of me

I couldn’t even imagine life here even being close to what I left behind, much less better. But it was something to cling to. It didn’t feel true, but I had to tell myself it was. And now…well, it’s not quite there yet, but it’s no longer an impossibility. I still don’t have all I had in high school—someone to pour into and disciple, a handful of close brothers I could be real with and go through life with—at least not quite to the degree I did there. But now I can be sure that God really does have greater things in store than I could imagine, here at this campus and beyond. The bittersweet side of finally feeling at home here is knowing that in a couple short years, it will be time to move on again, to say goodbye to everyone all over again, and move on to God knows what. But I know that he will continue to be faithful. He will have even better things in store for me beyond. And he will stick with me through whatever valleys I have to walk through to get there.

Today finds me thinking about home. Those of you who know me and some of my life story may be wondering, “Which place, exactly, are you referring to as home at the moment?” Exactly. My point exactly.

I was looking through some old pictures and stuff from a CD that I got at the end of my ninth grade year. It was a CD that the two guys who had been helping out that year in junior high boys’ boarding (9th grade is junior high at that school) gave each of us, with pictures, movies, and such from over the course of the year. The CD had been buried in various desk drawers for five years now, and I just finally copied everything off of it and started looking through it again, for the first time since I first got it. Man, I’d forgotten some of the things we did that year. I laughed at one ridiculous picture after another. Completely unrelated except by coincidence, I also spent a good chunk of time yesterday reading through a couple Word documents full of jokes that I’d gotten from one of those two guys that year. Talk about a trip down memory lane.

At the same time, I’ve noticed that the very house I’m sitting in right now, in Chiang Mai, Thailand, has come to feel like home for me, between the month I spent here over Christmas and this past month here so far. I’ve noticed that, even though in many ways I have adjusted to life in the US, I still feel more at home in the Third World, even in a country that’s relatively new to me. I could get used to living here. Of course, it helps that this is where my family is. Which brings up another point. Even when, my freshman year, I was having a difficult time adjusting to Virginia Tech and America in general, Waxhaw, North Carolina, was a welcome escape, if only because there I was with my parents and my brother Jordan. When I’m with them, I’m home.

But one more is most surprising of all. I’ve discussed this in a previous post, but it still catches me off guard. Like most third-culture kids, I’ve often wondered just how to pin down what home is. (Thus, this post.) But one, perhaps somewhat cynical, definition that came to me once was: home is any place you feel homesick for. I’ve left behind many such places. There can only be one conclusion, then, when I realize that I miss the church community I am part of back in Blacksburg, New Life Christian Fellowship. I see posts and photos on Facebook. I watch a video by one of the staff, sent out to new leaders to prep for the fall. I talk on the phone with one of our pastors, who recently took a new job in Orlando. We sing a song at church here that we do a lot at [nlcf], and I catch myself wishing I was worshiping alongside my brothers and sisters in Blacksburg. Last week I volunteered to help with sound while I’m here because the church is short-staffed during the summer. Sitting behind that console on Sunday took me back to that little building on Jackson Street, where I’ve mixed more than a few church services (not to mention a couple concerts that were…a little different from those church services.) It was also telling to discover that half of the t-shirts I brought with me this summer are sporting maroon and/or orange, with the VT logo. Little reminders, here and there, that [nlcf], and Virginia Tech as a whole, have become (yet another) home.

How do I reconcile all these? Every one of them (and this is by no means a comprehensive list) has some claim to being home, to some degree or other. This is the reason for that age-old question that every TCK is faced with: Just where is home? Because in truth, all of them are.

But the deeper answer I have come to is that there is one home that eclipses them all.

One of my favorite passages of the Bible is Hebrews 11 (which I firmly believe should include the first several verses of chapter 12—but don’t get me started on that.) In there is a set of verses that was somewhat of an anchor for me my freshman year.

It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise.

Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God…

All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Hebrews 11:8-10, 13-16 (NLT)

We are foreigners here on earth. Now, I know a thing or two about being a foreigner. I was a foreigner where I grew up, I’m a foreigner here, and I may as well be a foreigner back in America. During that year, this passage became very real to me. But even when I do feel at home down here, I think it’s just as important to remember where my true home is.

To bring it back to that definition of mine—I think, whether we are aware of it or not, heaven is the place we are most homesick for. I say heaven, but what I really mean is the new creation at the end of time, the new heaven and new earth, when everything is the way it should be again. Ever since our first parents left Eden, we have been homesick for Paradise. And we get glimpses, now and again, even in the things on this fallen earth.

A quote has stuck with me ever since I read it—not in its context in C.S. Lewis’s The Last Battle (which I did many, many years ago, and had long since forgotten) but since I read it in John Eldredge’s Epic a couple years ago. In this last installment of the Narnia series, as Narnia falls into chaos, the characters escape into a new world. Paradise. The unicorn blurts out,

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this.”

The reason we love Blacksburg or Chiang Mai, the Grand Canyon or the Himalayas, is that they sometimes look a little like our real home. Maybe I was onto something after all. Everything we love about a place, everything we miss when we leave it, is homesickness.

Over the last many months I’ve been looking a lot into the subject I just wrote about. I’ve read a lot of what other people had to say. Some of them had some of the same ideas I do, but said them a lot better than I could. I thought it would be helpful to compile a short list of articles and blog posts that I’ve read and found thought-provoking. This is not a 100% endorsement of everything on these pages, but I think some good points were made, and I hope they, along with my post, can give you some food for thought.

• How to win a culture war and lose a generation
• I’m Christian, unless you’re gay
• A Teen’s Brave Response to “I’m Christian, Unless You’re Gay”
• Christian & Gay?
• Confessions of a Gay Christian

[Disclaimer: if you’re looking for something clean and family-friendly, this is not it. I’m dealing with a tough and messy topic that needs to be addressed]

This post is a long time in coming. Both in that, yeah, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve written anything here, and in that what I’m about to write has been formulating in my mind for just as long if not longer.

Since the last time I blogged, I’ve finished classes, taken finals, packed up everything I own, and put all but a couple suitcases in a storage unit. I’ve spent a week and a half with my grandparents in eastern North Carolina, flown halfway around the world, and have now been with my family in Chiang Mai, Thailand for about a week.

My first Sunday in North Carolina, at church, the associate pastor stood up to give the message. (The church is currently without a senior pastor.) He brought up the constitutional amendment that the state had passed the previous Tuesday, to applause and amens. The one that constitutionally banned same-sex marriage, even though a state law is already in place to the same effect. I felt sick.

That was not the only time it came up. I heard it praised multiple times that Sunday, and it came up later in the week as well—every time accompanied by something to the effect of Praise God. And why not? After all, this is what traditional, conservative, American Christianity advocates—taking back the nation from an increasingly Godless government, reversing America’s spiral into immorality by winning over the legislature. They’re championing God’s cause…aren’t they?

I am not so sure God is as excited about it as they are. Had Jesus been one of those who cast a vote in North Carolina that Tuesday, I’m not convinced he would have supported this amendment.

Now, don’t get me wrong. These are great people, great followers of Jesus. But in this issue they, and many others, are unfortunately missing the point.

Now, there was a time—not all that long ago, to be honest—when I would’ve backed a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. But living in a Christian bubble half a world away from America, it was easy to feel far removed from the issue and pass judgment based on the traditional, conservative Christian view.

But the debate is no longer about a hot topic for me. It’s about people. There is now a face on the issue. The face of a good friend—an awesome man of God, who I recently learned has same-sex attractions. He recognizes that the Bible defines marriage to be between a man and a woman. And so he must live on his guard, shutting down anything sexual that arouses in him. He is denied that intimacy, as long as he has this curse, because to satisfy that desire is biblically wrong. And it is incredibly isolating—made worse by the utter hatred of homosexuals by so many in the church.

Shortly after learning this about my friend, I read a blog making the argument that homosexuality is not, in fact, condemned by the Bible. In short, I wasn’t convinced. My first idea for this post was as a response to that. I would start by pointing out why his argument didn’t hold water, but then I would bring it around to make the more important point. But now, some time having passed, and now that this whole thing in North Carolina has given me a lot more to talk about, I’ll just leave it at: I’m still convinced that the Bible does indeed state that sex between people of the same gender is wrong. But my more important point was this: The guy writing this article, and the people on the other side of the spectrum who treat people with this issue like garbage because “the Bible tells us to” are both making the same fundamental error. They make the mistake of thinking of homosexuality as an identity, inseparable from the person. The very term “homosexuals” defines people by it. We need to get past thinking of it as who they are. Acknowledging homosexuality is a sin does not have to entail hating people who practice it (or struggle with it, even if they don’t practice it, for that matter.) And loving them does not have to mean condoning what they do.

I can relate to my friend’s struggle in one respect. My sexuality is broken too. Just because I am attracted to women doesn’t mean I have it all together in that area. For that matter, every single person who’s ever lived (save one) has had to deal with a broken and sinful sexuality. (And actually, even Jesus faced sexual temptations, I’m sure. Thankfully, he didn’t fall for them.) We all face this stuff, in one form or another. Same-sex attractions, or lusting after that hot chick. Homosexuality, or adultery. What makes the husband who has an affair, the man who is addicted to porn, or the unmarried couple who live together, better (or worse) than the two men who live together? If there’s grace for the first group, why not the last couple? On what basis does the church withhold love from people who deal with homosexuality just because their sexual sin is different from ours? And remember, Jesus hung out with the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the people who, in first century Judea, were considered worse sinners than everyone else. (Also remember: he was hated by the religious establishment.)

We need to start seeing these people as…people. And loving them. Like Jesus does. And stop making them hate us by legislating that they live exactly the way we want them to.

If the amendment that passed in North Carolina a couple weeks ago was intended to make a statement, it succeeded. If it was intended to get a whole lot of people ticked off, it worked like a charm. If it was intended to bring God back into America, to advance the Kingdom…it failed. Horribly. The most ridiculous part is that it didn’t actually even change anything in law. State law already restricts marriage to a man and a woman. The constitutional amendment just made sure it stuck that way. And rubbed it in the faces of everyone that wishes it were otherwise. And got them really mad. At the church.

But we need to ask—is this really our job? To force our morals on everyone else by voting them into law? After all, some of Jesus’ last words on earth were something along the lines of:

“Go into politics and make laws of all the commands I have given you, forcing everyone to obey them, whether they like it or not. And be sure the nation and the government are never lost to unbelievers.”

Wait…that doesn’t sound right. Try:

“Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28:19-20 (NLT)

A few years ago I read a couple books by Philip Yancey. One was What’s So Amazing About Grace?, and the other was The Jesus I Never Knew. I loved them so much that I have read a lot more Yancey since then. But in one of those first two (I really don’t remember which one—it easily could have been in either) he pointed out that the early church didn’t enjoy what we take for granted and are now up in arms to keep—a Christian government. They were a small minority under a pagan empire. The idea of winning over the majority of government and establishing Jesus’ morals as law would have been laughable. But look at the growth. In Acts, thousands upon thousands of people flocked into the Kingdom. And over the course of history—well, look where we are now. Millions upon millions consider themselves Christians. Nations have been established by followers of Christ, founded on his principles. But remember: one of those principles was freedom to choose. America’s founding fathers understood the importance of not coercing anyone in their beliefs. History had already demonstrated the result when the church and politics get too wrapped up in each other. And we still live in that religious freedom. And if you even think about arguing that we’re losing our freedom—go read about Christians in North Korea or any other number of countries out there. Look up Voice of the Martyrs and read what they have to say. Then tell me we in America are losing our religious freedom.

Ironically, this push to establish Christian principles as law…sounds an awful lot like a Christian version of sharia law to me. Which any Bible-thumping Christian (and all those Islamophobic email chains that make me sick to read) will tell you, is a move away from religious freedom. There’s some perspective for you.

But I digress. As Philip Yancey pointed out, the more he looks at the environment of the early church, the less concerned he is about the top-down secularization of America. Our approach should be bottom-up.

If all the energy the church spent retaking politics and legislating against sin was spent reaching out to those around them, loving people and making disciples, imagine what our evangelistic efforts would look like. Imagine the effect on the Kingdom. Imagine the effect on the world.

We need to get our priorities straight. We need to care about people, not beat them over the head with laws. To repeat myself, to make sure I’m clear: this does not mean we say it’s OK that they’re living the way they are. It means we worry about getting them into the Kingdom first. Then we come alongside them as the Holy Spirit cleans up their lives. And like my friend, they will need us. Once that lifestyle no longer is OK, once it becomes a burden to bear, and a monster to fight, they will need all the love and support they can get. Just as each of us do, in our struggles with our own burdens and monsters. This is the church, the Kingdom of God. A band of once-misfits, forever changed by the grace of God, extending that grace outward. Walking through life together, fighting alongside each other, as we walk the journey from our old lives towards our future. Bringing everyone we can in, because we don’t want anyone to miss it. None of us are perfect, but washed in blood, we are. Our mission is to save the world. Not by taking over the government. By making disciples. Therefore go…

A pretty awesome thought hit me tonight.

There is now just over a week left of classes here at VT. After which is a week of finals, and then summer. It’s ridiculous how fast time has gone this year, and it sure ain’t slowing down now. Pretty much everyone is in the mindset of so much to do, so little time. These last days are going to fly faster than I can believe. But that’s not the thought; that’s just the context of the thought.

Tonight the thought of leaving for the summer crossed my mind. Not the thought of going to Thailand to stay with my family and intern for the summer, which has been on my mind for a while now. The thought of leaving Virginia Tech for the summer. (To clarify—that’s not the thought either. I’m getting to it.)

Now, just about this time last year, the imminence of leaving for the summer was also on my mind (for obvious reasons.) Last year, as you may know or have read, was not an easy one. I was transitioning from life overseas, at a small, Christian, international boarding school, immersed in an Asian culture, in a country that I had grown up in and considered home almost all my life, to the massive secular school of Virginia Tech, to America and American culture. I had left behind friends who were family to me, many of whom had graduated with me and were now also scattering across the globe, returning to the countries their parents were from. I was a stranger in a foreign land, isolated, and all my attempts to relate to the people around me fell flat. And in response, being the reclusive introvert that I am, I withdrew from the world around me. And as all this dragged on, I found myself drifting even away from God. Not intentionally—by no means. I was really doing everything I could to fight it, to rekindle the flame. I prayed, I cried, I struggled to keep myself afloat, and cried out to God to save me. But I found myself sinking nonetheless.

In the middle of all this, I started going to New Life Christian Fellowship—or [nlcf]—in January, because the church I had been going to discontinued their evening service, and that bus route didn’t run Sunday mornings. But [nlcf] conveniently meets on campus. (Yes, God works in mysterious ways.) For the rest of the year, I went to church there on Sundays, but that was pretty much it. I signed up for their summer program in Virginia Beach, because I knew God was telling me to go, and out of sheer desperation for God to show up.

When the end of the year came around, and as I thought about leaving for the summer, I realized that I wouldn’t even care if I never came back.

To cut a long story short, while Leadership Training, as the summer program is called, was an awesome spiritual experience for most everyone who went, I can’t say it was for me, at least at the time. God was definitely working in me over those ten weeks, but he didn’t show up in some awesome way and get my faith back on track, save from the depression, all that. But he was laying groundwork. Because when I started my sophomore year a few weeks after LT ended, suddenly he flipped the switch. And over the next six weeks, I woke up. No, I came back to life. Through those relationships that began at LT, I started to plug into [nlcf]. For the first time since graduating from high school, I found a community that I could become a part of, and I’ve thrown myself into it wholeheartedly. And it has been awesome. And through that, God fanned my faith back into flame.

And here I am again, facing the end of another year. But this time it’s different. Because the thought hit me tonight (yes, this is the thought that all this has been building up to)—I’m actually gonna miss this place over the summer. I’m gonna miss these people, who have come to mean so much to me. Especially the people who won’t be here when I come back. Of course, I’m definitely excited about going to Thailand and all, and I fully intend to enjoy every minute on non-American soil. (Yes, right about now you Americans are calling me weird. And you fellow TCKs know exactly what I’m talking about.) But for the first time, I will be anticipating the beginning of a new year at VT. I will be excited to be reunited with people here. I will feel like I’m coming home. (Well, from one home to another. Again, you TCKs know what I mean.)

This is not the first time it’s hit me that in many ways I have come to feel at home at [nlcf]. There have been several times over the course of the year that something or other has stopped me short and made me realize just that. But this is very much a milestone, because I can look back at a year ago, when I was in the same position—but this time it’s different. Because a year ago I would not have believed what I’m writing now. It’s a milestone because I can look back and see what God has done over the past year. How far he’s brought me. And it is so awesome to see.